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Monday, 17 October 2016

Guide 101 On How To Stalk Your Boyfriend.

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Stalking is an art and should not be ashamed of, if you’re good at stalking consider yourself one of the greatest spies to ever live, but stalking your boyfriend is a whole new level of stalkism and demands professionalism that only I can give you.

You have to know FBI CIA and even the Nigeria Police Force are looking for people like these to hire and here I am, wanting to teach you for free, you must take these guidelines very serious.




Photo Credit: Stock Photo


1.     Automatic Dodge Syndrome {ADS} how fast can you dodge when trailing someone? How fast does your neck move, legs run, about turn movement, these are important steps to be the perfect stalker.


2.     How many wigs do you have? This is pure camouflage mode, you need different appearances to carry out this operation, different wigs for different stalking days


3.     How many sunshades do you have? Same as the wig, you don’t want to give away your identity.


4.     Do you have an helmet?  You cant stalk someone in a car/cab because of traffic here in Nigeria, you need a standby okada man, kekenapep to move you around and this might cause your identity to be revealed hence the helmet, wear it all through the time you’re in any of these mode of transportation, you can even wear your sunshades in it, use a bandana to cover your mouth, that’s pure stalk mode activated.


5.     How flexible are you? Can you jump from a moving bus/train/aeroplane/bicycle/okada in case he makes an unexpected stop?


6.     How many running shoes do you have? Unless you’re queen nwokoye you cannot stalk someone on heels, please have at least 4 pairs so you don’t look the same.


7.     Do you have a camera/camera phone? This is an important tool in the stalking game, for evidence.


8.     Avoid cctv cameras and overhead bridges, okada and kekenapep cannot pass there.


9.     You know a broke chick cannot stalk anyone abi, you must be financially capable to be able to stalk your boyfriend.


10.   How s your lie game? Can you think on your feet when you get caught? What coincidental excuses can you give? You need to be smart to graduate into a stalker.


11.   You must have all his friends numbers, so when he says he’s going to see any of them, call them, pretend to be someone else and casually ask, “My guy how far, where you de na”


12.    You must have plenty sim cards.


You need to know there’s no shame in stalking your boyfriend, he is your investment and like all investments we expect good returns, when you feel he’s acting someone, exert these measures, men are smart, men are very smart but women have been proven to be smarter.

You can’t catch men these days on social medias or checking their phones, you have to follow them about for real proof, follow them to work, outings, toilets, bathroom, but on a stealth mode so you’re not caught.

This is going to work a 100% do these things and thank me later.


 Isabella Ibeji

Here's a video to guide you through

https://youtu.be/dSbVUyv49vY


 

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