Talk2Bella

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Thursday, 5 April 2018

Who wants to be a Bus Conductor for Life?

4 comments :


A young man really impressed me with his bus conducting skills this morning on my way to work. I have met a lot of conductors, some not too cheerful, most are grumpy and hardened because the job had made them that way, others well…… depends on the passengers.

So this wonderful glorious morning, I boarded this danfo bus, the guy who picks me to work isn’t available so it’s been public transport for a week now. All I kept hearing from this handsome Youngman man was “ O wo le, o sa re bo, oya ma canvassi lo, eeeehsss e ro ra na, aunty yen fe wo le, e se der der na” oh lord Jesus such passion, patience, cheerfulness, such control.



When elders say the youths of our generation are lazy, I have always found this to be a big disrespect to us, we do more than enough, we have taken the mess they created during their regime and made something wonderful out of it. Their failure made us very creative, the jobless state of the economy has made the entrepreneurs in us alive.

There is dignity in Labor, Legal Labor I might add. I was born into a hustling family, my mother is a great inspiration, I watched her evolve from a woman sent out of her home by in-laws to getting a degree, moving from a one room apartment, to a flat and then became a landlady, I have watched her excel at her civil service job with such diligence and branched into Agriculture and Poultry farming.

When I see bricklayers, Vulcanizers, Welders, and other artisans I feel so proud, I feel so proud to be called fellow citizens with them. Manna doesn’t fall from Heaven, even before it fell from heaven the children of Israelites prayed and fasted and trekked in the desert under the scorching sun.

Do not look down on any job, I remember a time my dad had a financial crisis, he did so many menial jobs and being a conductor was one of them, I saw him once on the job, the memory still fresh as day, he was working with so much passion that when it came to a time I was broke I found no shame in going to a building site and asking to be a laborer, I was rejected of course but was given some money to go away.

There is Dignity in Legal Labor, the work of your hands shall bring you riches in abundance if you’re diligent and believe with so much passion that you’re truly working and not showing off.

Now who wants to be a Bus “Conductor for Life? No one, it’s risky, stressful, and not healthy, but “Man must Wack” but would you rather remain idle? No!!! That’s worse. If you find yourself in this situation and there’s no other option, work a little save a lot and venture into some entrepreneurship, who knows? You might be the next Jeff Bezos.

Isabella Ibeji.


Wednesday, 14 February 2018

Who would you listen to, A Male or Female Marketer?

2 comments :
This is going to be an interesting read so I will implore we read without bias and sentiments.

This is a man's world we have said times without number, but when it comes to marketing products we say women have the upper hand (: often times I have wondered who ever brought up this misconception.

I have seen many people reject a career in marketing because it's been perceived to be hard and not doable, I have seen job adverts asking specifically for female marketers, light skinned and single are some of the criteria that come with these adverts, I had a colleague tell me one time "You're a woman, marketing these products should be very easy" I found it sexist, objectifying and offending to my hustle, things aren't going to get better for me because I am a woman, things are going to get better for me because I am good at what I do.

I recently got appointment as an investment advisor with one of the biggest Real Estate Investment Firm in the country, this company made me understand the equality In Gender and opportunities, every one of us is given the same opportunity and tools to survive, no preference or inequality, woman or not you need to work twice as hard as everyone now this is a very healthy work environment.

Now I will not be a hypocrite and say I have always wanted to be a marketer or sales executive no, but when the opportunity surfaced did I turn tail and run? No! I faced it head on, I read on it, I watched YouTube videos, I rebranded my LinkedIn account and followed top sales influencers, I had no intention of slacking on the job or let inexperience hold me back, everything I saw around me were opportunities, I dreamt marketing, I ate marketing, I was working in that company like I owned it, learn to love a job not because it is a passion but because it is an experience {Isabella Ibeji).

I will like to say once again, there are no preference in marketing, you're either good at it or bad but this should not deter you from taking up the opportunity when it presents itself, do not be an unemployed lazy person with a choice, being a marketing executive will always be one of the best things that happened to me not because I was very good at it at the time but because I was willing to learn on the job and do better.

To potential consumers/customers out there, please give everyone a chance a minute of your time may seem much at the moment to listen to a sales pitch but so many people have lost money making investments due to preference of Gender, free yourself from the thought that female marketers are easy marks for your perversions, listen to them as you would a new business deal, let us make this country great again by investing in ideas and making such ideas realities, Nigeria is a great Country but its growth remains In our hands.

https://youtu.be/M8XWQIxS0Uk

Isabella Ibeji.

Thursday, 18 January 2018

Is Your :DEPRESSION” Becoming :SUICICDAL”?

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Most of the things I write about or have written about just happen to be one of the things I have gone through in life.

I have gone through depression thrice and so far I have only told one person and that was recently. What triggered my first depression? I had no idea I was depressed, I didn’t even know what depression was I thought it was a “WHITE PEOPLE” sickness and there was no way a strong African girl like me could ever be depressed.



I had written an exam and my name suddenly disappeared from the list, this happened twice already so I felt I was cursed it broke me completely and called my mum for several minutes I couldn’t say a word I kept crying and wailing. My mother was scared, she always said I was the strongest person she knew and she had never seen me cry in my adult life, later on she told me she thought I was going to kill myself that day because I cried with so much pain she had to send my brother who traveled over ten hours to come get me.

Do you find it strange that it is those we have perceived to be happy who are always depressed or suicidal? In Africa very few people do not even know what depression is, they pass it off as mood swings saying it will pass before you know it they become a shadow of themselves. Most of our psychologists in Africa are out of jobs, no one can afford a therapist or they mostly see them as quacks and a waste of their time.

The second time I was depressed was worse and this time I had friends all around me and yet no one noticed. It turned me to a drunk who’s only joy was getting “HIGH” I didn’t know what triggered this I just knew I wasn’t happy, inside me I was dead but strangely I always seemed to make others happy. I lost a lot of weight; I wouldn’t get out of bed unless I was going to get alcohol and for a time my education suffered but yet no one notice or rather I wouldn’t talk to anyone about it because I was very good at hiding my feelings and not trusting anyone.

I toyed with killing myself for a while; it seemed perfect I said no one would miss me, would they even notice I wasn’t alive anymore? Would my absence mean anything to them? Only if I could watch while I was dead to see how many people would miss me while I was gone! The only reason I didn’t go through with it was because my fear of “HELLFIRE” was very real.

I have heard people say Black Africans are the strongest people on earth and Africa is one of the strongest continents in the world with very deep roots, they say we are immune to suicide and whenever a black man commits suicide he is seen as a weakling who’s balls weren’t strong enough, do you see this as the truth? I used to; until I got depressed and saw I wasn’t as strong as I had made myself believe I was just like every other person on earth with red blood running through my veins.

Have you heard this saying “the saddest people tend to laugh the most”? sadly this is very true, for a while I refused to believe this I said oh I am just a jolly fellow who loved to laugh, people with little to give always tend to want to give more because they know what it means not to have, I laughed a lot because I had no joy in my life and was always trying to fill it with laughter that never got to my soul.

My third depression was recent and I am currently getting over it, I do not want to talk about this so as not to jinx my healing process but for a few weeks now someone has made me genuinely happy and finally I have come to see that this world needs someone like me, I have a lot to offer and I have planned to be happy for the remainder of my days here on earth.

Are you depressed? Do you think no one would miss you when you’re gone? You think life is better without you in it? You feel no one really loves you? Please have a rethink because once you’re dead it’s over and you wouldn’t have the chance to have the answers to you questions. Always be positive, it worked for me learn to love yourself and you would find you need not depend on anyone for happiness. Learn to talk to people about your problems it helps, so the pressure doesn’t weigh you down, finally you are not alone in this world never for one moment think you are, there are so many people who love you and if for once you think there’s no one try and love yourself it’s the greatest gift one can give to oneself.

This piece is dedicated to Robin Williams (1951-2014) Kurt Cobain (1967-1994) motivational speaker, founder of the #DarkSkinRedLipProject and creator of the blog “ForBrownGirls” Karyn Washington , and to other countless, nameless, faceless victims out there you’re surely missed and your lives meant a great deal to us.

Ever feel like talking you can get in touch with me

WhatsApp: +2349050661610

Email:tork2bella@gmail.com

#YOURLIVEMATTER.


Isabella Ibeji

Thursday, 11 January 2018

How Being Informed Got Me a Job With An International Organisation.

1 comment :
Information is Key.

I love to read, I am a news junkie, I love to keep abreast on current World affairs and National affairs, I like to be informed, I love to speak and have people be entrailed when I speak, don't look at my face, focus on the words coming out of my mouth, I love to impact knowledge and also learn, I learnt a very long time ago that information is power, information is a door opener, information gives you contracts, information gives you results and information gets the job done.

I do not consider any sort of information to be a waste, right or wrong information is information.



I was offered employment very recently, during the interview a lady came out and was complaining bitterly about how the lady who interviewed her kept asking questions about the current state of the Economy and Real Estate in the country "How could she ask me that" she said, "what's my business with the Economy" I looked at her in Awe, I tried to tell her, you're supposed to know these things, they're basic knowledge open to interpretation and expansions.

Needless to say, when it was my turn after the pleasantries of self-introductions, I was asked what is the current political state of the country? What is the current state of the Economy? What is the current state of Real Estate in the Country? I do not want to tooth my horn but I didn’t study politics and International relations for nothing, I flawed those questions, met with management, flawed their questions, although I told them I would love to grow and be groomed at the company while achieving profitable results, when I got my offer for employment it was way better than what I applied for.

Truth is our generation is not a reading generation, I love movies too, I like to have fun but if they’re gonna bomb the Iran or North Korea tomorrow I want to be in the know, I want to tell others about it, Information is POWER! Information is KEY!

Ibeji Isabella.




Sunday, 20 August 2017

Do People Who Speak In Tongues Fake It Or Understand It?

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I have always been spiritual than religious, i believe God is an entity who cannot be reached through a single source, he's like a firm rooted tree with sprouted branches. We all say we worship same God then why do we feel our religion is the only and direct source to him?

Recently my neighbor came to preach to me, he's been on my neck ever since i told him i wasn't religious and wouldn't attend his church. The day he came to preach we argued and argued, i told him God cannot be worshiped through a single source, if you invite me to a mosque i will attend, if you invite me to an Osun festival i will attend i don't have to attend a church because i am seeking God.

I told him God gave us freewill to think, he gave us scientists and doctors and plastic surgeons, he gave us pharmacists and medicines, he wanted us to know there was more to him thats why we discovered other universes, thats why we can clone a human thats why we ca do IVF, thats why we can do inter sex change and etc.



I reminded him that Christians see Muslims as unbelievers and Muslims see Christians as infidels, none of them are right of course but what do they know. He told me to repent that hell is real, i told him i have seen hell, i have seen the rapture more times than i can count, i told him not to believe everything he read in the bible as it was written by human beings like us, he got up looked at me and said "Na God hand u de" lol.

 Now back to my question, i get fascinated when people speak in tongue, in some churches if you dont speak in tongues u never belong, i had a flatmate in my hundred level then who stays with her boyfriend, after dem nack finish you go hear her then speak in tongue lol.

During the halleluyah challenge, i was praying, crying, in spirit, whenever i pray to God i cry, because i feel his awesomeness through me, even when im singing praises, during this time i was praying i found myself speaking a language i do not understand, i was scared so i stopped lest i blasphemed, i continued praying and it started again, but i couldnt understand what i was saying so i stopped again.

Dear christians, when you speak in tongues do you understand what you're talking about? i thought some people were gifted with interpreting this speaking in tongues while others spake it? how come we have less interpreters and more speakers?

Isabella Ibeji

Tuesday, 8 August 2017

I Hate Men! Says This Lady Who Got Married At 19 (Watch Video)

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I fear who talk say marriage no de fear am.. (Isabella)

I have written severally about marriage, how it is an institution and not a home of restitution, marriage is a graduate school where if we choose we can decide to go for Masters and PhDs, it is a process of learning, what I'm I trying to say? Marriage is a continuous study where we learn everyday and also have patience with our teachers, in this case our spouses

I have seen so many people ( women especially) jump and rush into marriage due to pressure, money, envy, spite, or she just wants to be a MRS. It is worse when you see an 18 year old lady fantasizing about marriage, using Amara Kanu as an example, she is amongst the 1% early marriage will work for, she has sense, patience, charisma and a good tolerant husband.

I was with four ladies yesterday who had something in common, they'd gotten married too soon, too early and two of them have been chased out of their homes while the other two hate their husbands with passion, one of them is the breadwinner so she says her husband had no say in their home.

The lady lying down was sent out or her husband's house after he got rich, she gave birth to two boys before she was sent packing, before she was sent packing the husband impregnated a woman older than she was and brought her home, this older woman has kids who she in turn brought to her new husband's house lol.

The other lady has just one girl, while the one screaming  she hates men has four kids, she says she hasn't enjoyed sex for one day that the husband only has sex with her to impregnate her.

The other lady says she doesn't respect her husband anymore so she does with him as she pleases.

They were all trying to convince me how men are scum and shouldn't be handled with soft hands, in my heart I wept, my father wasn't scum to my mother, my brother isn't scum to his girlfriend, no man has ever treated me like scum, how do I convince these Women that they have a share in the blame too? I sat there consoling these ladies crying, look at me in my 20's consoling women old enough to birth me.

Marriage isn't a do or die affair, I have heard mockery statements about how Ibo women don't marry early because they like to hustle and make money, but these early marriage traits are rampant amongst Ibo women, it is a thing of pride to see their daughters get married early and also give birth early, this doesn't mean only Ibo women are guilty, far from it, it has become a general issue; it might have worked for our ancestors but we live in different times now.

One day my mother said to me " Ifeoma 30 is the right age for a woman to get married" in my heart I said what's she talking about now, but today I can see it, most ladies aren't mentally matured enough to look after themselves not to talk of getting married.

My heart aches when I see children from broken homes, I was a product of one before my parents got back together and then my dad died, I do not wish single parenthood on any child, except death was the case. These women haven't seen their kids for long because their husbands won't allow it, they can't go to court because they aren't educated, they were chased out like common thieves and other women brought in.

Education and skills acquisition remains the best legacy, always have a backup\breakup plan because no one knows tomorrow. Marriage isn't a source or income, be financially free and independent. See where these women live, they don't have a dime to their names and no skills to support themselves.

I hope someone learns from this, I tried to convince them not all men are scum but their minds are made up, I fear for the husband of that lady who hates men I hope he amends his ways so we won't read a gory story about a wife murdering her husband.

Watch

https://youtu.be/8WFESpEUv2Q

Isabella Ibeji.

Tuesday, 4 July 2017

Why Every Nigerian Lady Must Learn A Skill.

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A certificate is a piece of paper that can lose its value tomorrow but a skill learnt and perfected over time evolves to something bigger and extraordinaire {Isabella}

Immediately I finished University, I had such high hopes, I felt I had landed, I wanted to work for a while before going for NYSC, I concluded in me that no interviewer would see me and not wanna give me a job, imagine after series of interviews the excuses were your salary rate is high, you don’t have an NYSC certificate yet, etc.

One morning my mom barged into my room and asked when I was going to learn a skill, I asked her what she meant skill?, she asked me what can I do with my hands I told her I could write she said go on, I said blog, and I could hold an audience I can still hear her laughter till today, she told me those weren’t skills I should either chose between fashion designing or hair making, I said to her what! After how many years in the university I was going to some shop to go learn how to be a tailor.

I was ashamed, what would people say, I couldn’t imagine myself going to some woman to learn how to sew, or make hair, it was beneath me I felt, I was a graduate and was going to work in a big corporation I said to myself.

I was at home for two years doing nothing, I wanted to work before NYSC but jobs weren’t coming so I decided to go for NYSC. Two months later I was bored, I wanted to do something, I wanted to get involved in a charity project, raise funds for female prisoners etc but I had no funds myself, I was really broke then it dawned on me, I am a woman in my 20’s without a dime in my account I got no skills, my blog and vlog were just something I took as a hobby and haven’t been monetized, I was having a taste of the real world and I wasn’t ready for it.

No knowledge is a waste, nothing learnt can be unlearnt, I thought for several days no one knows me here, there’s nothing to be ashamed of, I need to learn something my certificate hasn’t given me nothing but who knows what fashion designing might and so I decided, a decision I am so glad I made.

I met this young girl who sews, she’s someone I relate with very well, I begged her to teach me, she was shocked and asked if I was sure I said yes, she gave me her bill, imagine me I was so broke my mum had to send me part of it.

Two months into learning everyone who sees me in the shop thinks I have been there for a year, I am learning in an amazing manner, I never knew I could have passion for sewing, YouTube has become my second home, sewing groups have become family to me, I dream about sewing, I talk sewing, I am so enthusiastic about it and it makes me happy.

Dear women, there isn’t enough jobs for every graduate, you can learn a skill and create jobs for others, entrepreneurs are taking over the world, beauty will fade but having a skill will evolve, no man wants to spend on a woman who has nothing to offer except beauty, you need to bring more than sex into the game, we live in an evil world now, girls are being used please be careful.

I know how to farm; I want to go into cassava farming as soon as I can raise some funds, don’t be ashamed to work with your hands, don’t be ashamed to earn a honest living, nothing good comes easy, it takes time, hard work and patience, even if I don’t become a fashion designer tomorrow this is a skill I can never forget I can sew for my kids and husband even my mother.

Don’t tell me you’re an independent Woman, show me.

Isabella Ibeji

Watch This



Saturday, 15 April 2017

Interesting Ways To Please A Nigerian Mother In Law.

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No matter how much a man might like or loves you, if his mother says NO! My sister better have a rethink of that relationship. Men do not joke with their mothers, a mother might tell her daughter she doesn’t want her to marry a particular guy; her daughter would protest and try to convince her mother how much she loves that guy, very few Nigerian girls actually listen to their mothers when told not to marry a certain guy.

So it’s finally time to meet the future mother in law, you’re thinking of ways to make her like you, make her accept you, make her see you as the good girl you are or are not; this is probably one of the hardest and most scariest times of a woman’s life it is a must his mother should like and accept you even if his father does accept you and the mother doesn’t you’re still on a long thing.
 
 

Are you a slay queen? Skimpy dresser, twerker, poster of rubbish, online fighter, heavy make-up applier, the first thing you should notice when you go visit your future mother in law is the type of phone she uses, Nigerian women are natural detectives, it’s in our blood there’s no denying that, immediately you notice this hurriedly log onto your social media accounts and start deleting, deletes those raunchy videos, stupid posts, sexy pictures, her son might like it but definitely not a Nigerian mother in law.

Do not ever let her serve you food! I repeat never ever let her cook and serve you a meal when you visit for the first time, a Nigerian mother in law would test you with everything and nothing pleases them more than knowing you’re hardworking and would never turn their sons into slaves; when she asks you what would you like to eat say in this exact manner “Mama tell me what you would love to eat let me cook and serve you” she might protest and call you a visitor but please do not be deceived follow her to the kitchen and assist and while you’re there do not stand like a robot, chat her up make her smile and ASSIST!

Show her you are a prayer warrior, if she sneezes say “Bless You Ma” if she complains of backache say “The Lord Will Heal You Soon” before you eat a meal in her house offer a prayer, anything you say infuse and quote bible verses, you can never go wrong with these.

Mothers love to be pampered, on the D-day your future husband has deemed you worthy to meet his mother do not go empty handed, go with a gift be it small or mighty go with one. Do not dress scantily or shabbily to go visit her, do not apply heavy make-up, do not make crazy hairstyles even if your man likes you that way, you aren’t trying to please him it’s his mother who might have the final say especially if he is a mummy’s boy.

Learn his language if you’re from different tribes, nothing pleases a mother more than conversing with a stranger in her own language, don’t go there and be forming Oyibo, even white women have learnt to please our men by cooking our local meals and learning our languages if they can do these my sister who you be? Based on logistics.

Are you a Muslim woman? Do you observe your 5 daily prayers? Do you wear your Hijab often? Do you go to the mosque? If the answers to these are NO NO NO And NO! carry your prayer mat along when going to visit her, show her you’re  devoted Muslim .

Sometimes I look at my Mother and I say haa dear baby Jesus I don’t want my mother as a future mother in law biko, why? Because my brother is her only son and any girl he brings must have a comma, she’s too short na Ikechukwu, hian but why’s she so tall Nnam? Oh she’s a tailor, so you didn’t see a graduate abi? bia Nwokem when will you bring the right woman, I look at her and say but you chased them all away na, when they sleep over its war, she monitors when you wake up, how you do chores, how many worship and praise songs you can sing during morning devotion and if you dance worldly during church service lol, but when she likes you even my brother can’t chase you away.

Sometimes it takes very little for a Nigerian mother to love you, most times it takes a whole lot, it’s always under the guise of “I am doing what’s best for my son” funny thing is when we become mothers we exhibit these traits without even knowing, but do you know what conquers all these? Love, unconditional love, I have met girls who have prayed for their future mother in laws to be dead before her son comes to marry her, some women go into marriages ready to battle their future mother in laws, but this is all wrong, Nigerian movies has even made it worse with the portrayal of mother in laws and how selfish, mean and diabolical they can be.

The way you treat your mother should be the way you treat every elderly person, the moment her son marries you; you are automatically her child and you should accord her all respect you would your real mother because one day reverse would be the case and Karma doesn’t forget, do all the things you did when you met her, some mothers honestly can push you to the wall but always chant this Mantra “WHAT IF SHE IS MY MOTHER”

https://youtu.be/dFMFL3MRXw0

Isabella Ibeji

 

 

Friday, 7 April 2017

I Like Him But All He Talks About Is Sex.

1 comment :
Hello Bella I watched your YouTube video where you talked about liking a guy and being straightforward about it, there’s this guy I like who’s also asking me out but every day we go out all he talks about is sex and the things he will do to my body and this is making me angry.



I don’t want a relationship based on sex, I have told him this; it’s not like I won’t have sex with him but we just met like two months ago and that’s all he talks about, I have told him to stop that I do not like it he says that’s the way he is and he loves me and wants to be free to talk about anything with me, what do I do?

 

Talk2Bella

 

Honey two months should be enough to know if you really love this guy to allow him access to your body, mind and soul; don’t be pressurized into having sex with him, sex isn’t pleasurable if only one party in a relationship is interested in it.

If he cannot b free with you and talk about these things then who should he talk to them about? it’s a good thing you love him and he loves you too, get comfortable when he talks about it, it’s nothing to be shy about; he’s been with you for two months and if you don’t feel ready having sex with him yet tell him this and if he can’t wait then both of you should move on.

Your mail says you also want to have sex with him but you don’t feel the time is right yet, honey know this if you’re scared the longer you keep it away from him the more he will respect you sometimes it doesn’t want that way, try and know if he wants a long term relationship with you or he just wants the sex and bounce thing with you.

I hope this works out for you, sex really isn’t that important in a relationship for some people.

Isabella Ibeji

Saturday, 1 April 2017

STOP SEXUAL CHILD ABUSE NOW (StopS-CAN)

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THE CULTURE OF SILENCE ABOUT CHILD SEXUAL ABUSE ENDS WHEN WE SPEAK OUT

Every afternoon, no less than 10,000 girls in Nigeria experience Sexual Violence. 84% of girls in Nigeria who experience Childhood Sexual Abuse do not know where to seek help. Every afternoon, no less than 5,000 boys in Nigeria experience Sexual Violence. 61% of boys in Nigeria who experience Childhood Sexual Abuse do not know where to seek help. States a report that paints a dire picture of the situation by Cece Yara foundation. Such report is an indictment on us as a people.

 


StopS-CAN organization is planning a series of awareness programmes on child sexual abuse, first of which will involve a walk on 22nd April 2017, tagged “It Takes a Village…”. The take off point is Freedom Park on Broad Street, Lagos Island. A conference on the subject is planned for slated to be held on April 28.  Use link below to sign up for the walk and share with others.


“It is important for us as a collective and as individuals to see to the protection of our children not only because they are our children but also because violating them in body and mind portends danger for their future and that of Nigeria,” Nkemakonam Linda Ijeh, Director StopS-CAN.

Our vision at StopS-CAN is to create a world where no child suffers the damaging effects of child sexual abuse.

ST APRIL 2017                                                                                                PHONE:+ (234) 812-0379-663 WWW.STOPSCAN.ORG                                                                EMAIL: ijehnl@stopscan.org

                                          CONTACT: NKEMAKONAM LINDA IJEH

Follow us on Twitter, Instagram and Facebook @StopSCAN to get updates as we create awareness on the dangers of child sexual abuse in the month of April.