Talk2Bella

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Sunday, 20 August 2017

Do People Who Speak In Tongues Fake It Or Understand It?

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I have always been spiritual than religious, i believe God is an entity who cannot be reached through a single source, he's like a firm rooted tree with sprouted branches. We all say we worship same God then why do we feel our religion is the only and direct source to him?

Recently my neighbor came to preach to me, he's been on my neck ever since i told him i wasn't religious and wouldn't attend his church. The day he came to preach we argued and argued, i told him God cannot be worshiped through a single source, if you invite me to a mosque i will attend, if you invite me to an Osun festival i will attend i don't have to attend a church because i am seeking God.

I told him God gave us freewill to think, he gave us scientists and doctors and plastic surgeons, he gave us pharmacists and medicines, he wanted us to know there was more to him thats why we discovered other universes, thats why we can clone a human thats why we ca do IVF, thats why we can do inter sex change and etc.



I reminded him that Christians see Muslims as unbelievers and Muslims see Christians as infidels, none of them are right of course but what do they know. He told me to repent that hell is real, i told him i have seen hell, i have seen the rapture more times than i can count, i told him not to believe everything he read in the bible as it was written by human beings like us, he got up looked at me and said "Na God hand u de" lol.

 Now back to my question, i get fascinated when people speak in tongue, in some churches if you dont speak in tongues u never belong, i had a flatmate in my hundred level then who stays with her boyfriend, after dem nack finish you go hear her then speak in tongue lol.

During the halleluyah challenge, i was praying, crying, in spirit, whenever i pray to God i cry, because i feel his awesomeness through me, even when im singing praises, during this time i was praying i found myself speaking a language i do not understand, i was scared so i stopped lest i blasphemed, i continued praying and it started again, but i couldnt understand what i was saying so i stopped again.

Dear christians, when you speak in tongues do you understand what you're talking about? i thought some people were gifted with interpreting this speaking in tongues while others spake it? how come we have less interpreters and more speakers?

Isabella Ibeji

Tuesday, 8 August 2017

I Hate Men! Says This Lady Who Got Married At 19 (Watch Video)

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I fear who talk say marriage no de fear am.. (Isabella)

I have written severally about marriage, how it is an institution and not a home of restitution, marriage is a graduate school where if we choose we can decide to go for Masters and PhDs, it is a process of learning, what I'm I trying to say? Marriage is a continuous study where we learn everyday and also have patience with our teachers, in this case our spouses

I have seen so many people ( women especially) jump and rush into marriage due to pressure, money, envy, spite, or she just wants to be a MRS. It is worse when you see an 18 year old lady fantasizing about marriage, using Amara Kanu as an example, she is amongst the 1% early marriage will work for, she has sense, patience, charisma and a good tolerant husband.

I was with four ladies yesterday who had something in common, they'd gotten married too soon, too early and two of them have been chased out of their homes while the other two hate their husbands with passion, one of them is the breadwinner so she says her husband had no say in their home.

The lady lying down was sent out or her husband's house after he got rich, she gave birth to two boys before she was sent packing, before she was sent packing the husband impregnated a woman older than she was and brought her home, this older woman has kids who she in turn brought to her new husband's house lol.

The other lady has just one girl, while the one screaming  she hates men has four kids, she says she hasn't enjoyed sex for one day that the husband only has sex with her to impregnate her.

The other lady says she doesn't respect her husband anymore so she does with him as she pleases.

They were all trying to convince me how men are scum and shouldn't be handled with soft hands, in my heart I wept, my father wasn't scum to my mother, my brother isn't scum to his girlfriend, no man has ever treated me like scum, how do I convince these Women that they have a share in the blame too? I sat there consoling these ladies crying, look at me in my 20's consoling women old enough to birth me.

Marriage isn't a do or die affair, I have heard mockery statements about how Ibo women don't marry early because they like to hustle and make money, but these early marriage traits are rampant amongst Ibo women, it is a thing of pride to see their daughters get married early and also give birth early, this doesn't mean only Ibo women are guilty, far from it, it has become a general issue; it might have worked for our ancestors but we live in different times now.

One day my mother said to me " Ifeoma 30 is the right age for a woman to get married" in my heart I said what's she talking about now, but today I can see it, most ladies aren't mentally matured enough to look after themselves not to talk of getting married.

My heart aches when I see children from broken homes, I was a product of one before my parents got back together and then my dad died, I do not wish single parenthood on any child, except death was the case. These women haven't seen their kids for long because their husbands won't allow it, they can't go to court because they aren't educated, they were chased out like common thieves and other women brought in.

Education and skills acquisition remains the best legacy, always have a backup\breakup plan because no one knows tomorrow. Marriage isn't a source or income, be financially free and independent. See where these women live, they don't have a dime to their names and no skills to support themselves.

I hope someone learns from this, I tried to convince them not all men are scum but their minds are made up, I fear for the husband of that lady who hates men I hope he amends his ways so we won't read a gory story about a wife murdering her husband.

Watch

https://youtu.be/8WFESpEUv2Q

Isabella Ibeji.

Tuesday, 4 July 2017

Why Every Nigerian Lady Must Learn A Skill.

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A certificate is a piece of paper that can lose its value tomorrow but a skill learnt and perfected over time evolves to something bigger and extraordinaire {Isabella}

Immediately I finished University, I had such high hopes, I felt I had landed, I wanted to work for a while before going for NYSC, I concluded in me that no interviewer would see me and not wanna give me a job, imagine after series of interviews the excuses were your salary rate is high, you don’t have an NYSC certificate yet, etc.

One morning my mom barged into my room and asked when I was going to learn a skill, I asked her what she meant skill?, she asked me what can I do with my hands I told her I could write she said go on, I said blog, and I could hold an audience I can still hear her laughter till today, she told me those weren’t skills I should either chose between fashion designing or hair making, I said to her what! After how many years in the university I was going to some shop to go learn how to be a tailor.

I was ashamed, what would people say, I couldn’t imagine myself going to some woman to learn how to sew, or make hair, it was beneath me I felt, I was a graduate and was going to work in a big corporation I said to myself.

I was at home for two years doing nothing, I wanted to work before NYSC but jobs weren’t coming so I decided to go for NYSC. Two months later I was bored, I wanted to do something, I wanted to get involved in a charity project, raise funds for female prisoners etc but I had no funds myself, I was really broke then it dawned on me, I am a woman in my 20’s without a dime in my account I got no skills, my blog and vlog were just something I took as a hobby and haven’t been monetized, I was having a taste of the real world and I wasn’t ready for it.

No knowledge is a waste, nothing learnt can be unlearnt, I thought for several days no one knows me here, there’s nothing to be ashamed of, I need to learn something my certificate hasn’t given me nothing but who knows what fashion designing might and so I decided, a decision I am so glad I made.

I met this young girl who sews, she’s someone I relate with very well, I begged her to teach me, she was shocked and asked if I was sure I said yes, she gave me her bill, imagine me I was so broke my mum had to send me part of it.

Two months into learning everyone who sees me in the shop thinks I have been there for a year, I am learning in an amazing manner, I never knew I could have passion for sewing, YouTube has become my second home, sewing groups have become family to me, I dream about sewing, I talk sewing, I am so enthusiastic about it and it makes me happy.

Dear women, there isn’t enough jobs for every graduate, you can learn a skill and create jobs for others, entrepreneurs are taking over the world, beauty will fade but having a skill will evolve, no man wants to spend on a woman who has nothing to offer except beauty, you need to bring more than sex into the game, we live in an evil world now, girls are being used please be careful.

I know how to farm; I want to go into cassava farming as soon as I can raise some funds, don’t be ashamed to work with your hands, don’t be ashamed to earn a honest living, nothing good comes easy, it takes time, hard work and patience, even if I don’t become a fashion designer tomorrow this is a skill I can never forget I can sew for my kids and husband even my mother.

Don’t tell me you’re an independent Woman, show me.

Isabella Ibeji

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Saturday, 15 April 2017

Interesting Ways To Please A Nigerian Mother In Law.

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No matter how much a man might like or loves you, if his mother says NO! My sister better have a rethink of that relationship. Men do not joke with their mothers, a mother might tell her daughter she doesn’t want her to marry a particular guy; her daughter would protest and try to convince her mother how much she loves that guy, very few Nigerian girls actually listen to their mothers when told not to marry a certain guy.

So it’s finally time to meet the future mother in law, you’re thinking of ways to make her like you, make her accept you, make her see you as the good girl you are or are not; this is probably one of the hardest and most scariest times of a woman’s life it is a must his mother should like and accept you even if his father does accept you and the mother doesn’t you’re still on a long thing.
 
 

Are you a slay queen? Skimpy dresser, twerker, poster of rubbish, online fighter, heavy make-up applier, the first thing you should notice when you go visit your future mother in law is the type of phone she uses, Nigerian women are natural detectives, it’s in our blood there’s no denying that, immediately you notice this hurriedly log onto your social media accounts and start deleting, deletes those raunchy videos, stupid posts, sexy pictures, her son might like it but definitely not a Nigerian mother in law.

Do not ever let her serve you food! I repeat never ever let her cook and serve you a meal when you visit for the first time, a Nigerian mother in law would test you with everything and nothing pleases them more than knowing you’re hardworking and would never turn their sons into slaves; when she asks you what would you like to eat say in this exact manner “Mama tell me what you would love to eat let me cook and serve you” she might protest and call you a visitor but please do not be deceived follow her to the kitchen and assist and while you’re there do not stand like a robot, chat her up make her smile and ASSIST!

Show her you are a prayer warrior, if she sneezes say “Bless You Ma” if she complains of backache say “The Lord Will Heal You Soon” before you eat a meal in her house offer a prayer, anything you say infuse and quote bible verses, you can never go wrong with these.

Mothers love to be pampered, on the D-day your future husband has deemed you worthy to meet his mother do not go empty handed, go with a gift be it small or mighty go with one. Do not dress scantily or shabbily to go visit her, do not apply heavy make-up, do not make crazy hairstyles even if your man likes you that way, you aren’t trying to please him it’s his mother who might have the final say especially if he is a mummy’s boy.

Learn his language if you’re from different tribes, nothing pleases a mother more than conversing with a stranger in her own language, don’t go there and be forming Oyibo, even white women have learnt to please our men by cooking our local meals and learning our languages if they can do these my sister who you be? Based on logistics.

Are you a Muslim woman? Do you observe your 5 daily prayers? Do you wear your Hijab often? Do you go to the mosque? If the answers to these are NO NO NO And NO! carry your prayer mat along when going to visit her, show her you’re  devoted Muslim .

Sometimes I look at my Mother and I say haa dear baby Jesus I don’t want my mother as a future mother in law biko, why? Because my brother is her only son and any girl he brings must have a comma, she’s too short na Ikechukwu, hian but why’s she so tall Nnam? Oh she’s a tailor, so you didn’t see a graduate abi? bia Nwokem when will you bring the right woman, I look at her and say but you chased them all away na, when they sleep over its war, she monitors when you wake up, how you do chores, how many worship and praise songs you can sing during morning devotion and if you dance worldly during church service lol, but when she likes you even my brother can’t chase you away.

Sometimes it takes very little for a Nigerian mother to love you, most times it takes a whole lot, it’s always under the guise of “I am doing what’s best for my son” funny thing is when we become mothers we exhibit these traits without even knowing, but do you know what conquers all these? Love, unconditional love, I have met girls who have prayed for their future mother in laws to be dead before her son comes to marry her, some women go into marriages ready to battle their future mother in laws, but this is all wrong, Nigerian movies has even made it worse with the portrayal of mother in laws and how selfish, mean and diabolical they can be.

The way you treat your mother should be the way you treat every elderly person, the moment her son marries you; you are automatically her child and you should accord her all respect you would your real mother because one day reverse would be the case and Karma doesn’t forget, do all the things you did when you met her, some mothers honestly can push you to the wall but always chant this Mantra “WHAT IF SHE IS MY MOTHER”

https://youtu.be/dFMFL3MRXw0

Isabella Ibeji

 

 

Friday, 7 April 2017

I Like Him But All He Talks About Is Sex.

1 comment :
Hello Bella I watched your YouTube video where you talked about liking a guy and being straightforward about it, there’s this guy I like who’s also asking me out but every day we go out all he talks about is sex and the things he will do to my body and this is making me angry.



I don’t want a relationship based on sex, I have told him this; it’s not like I won’t have sex with him but we just met like two months ago and that’s all he talks about, I have told him to stop that I do not like it he says that’s the way he is and he loves me and wants to be free to talk about anything with me, what do I do?

 

Talk2Bella

 

Honey two months should be enough to know if you really love this guy to allow him access to your body, mind and soul; don’t be pressurized into having sex with him, sex isn’t pleasurable if only one party in a relationship is interested in it.

If he cannot b free with you and talk about these things then who should he talk to them about? it’s a good thing you love him and he loves you too, get comfortable when he talks about it, it’s nothing to be shy about; he’s been with you for two months and if you don’t feel ready having sex with him yet tell him this and if he can’t wait then both of you should move on.

Your mail says you also want to have sex with him but you don’t feel the time is right yet, honey know this if you’re scared the longer you keep it away from him the more he will respect you sometimes it doesn’t want that way, try and know if he wants a long term relationship with you or he just wants the sex and bounce thing with you.

I hope this works out for you, sex really isn’t that important in a relationship for some people.

Isabella Ibeji

Saturday, 1 April 2017

STOP SEXUAL CHILD ABUSE NOW (StopS-CAN)

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THE CULTURE OF SILENCE ABOUT CHILD SEXUAL ABUSE ENDS WHEN WE SPEAK OUT

Every afternoon, no less than 10,000 girls in Nigeria experience Sexual Violence. 84% of girls in Nigeria who experience Childhood Sexual Abuse do not know where to seek help. Every afternoon, no less than 5,000 boys in Nigeria experience Sexual Violence. 61% of boys in Nigeria who experience Childhood Sexual Abuse do not know where to seek help. States a report that paints a dire picture of the situation by Cece Yara foundation. Such report is an indictment on us as a people.

 


StopS-CAN organization is planning a series of awareness programmes on child sexual abuse, first of which will involve a walk on 22nd April 2017, tagged “It Takes a Village…”. The take off point is Freedom Park on Broad Street, Lagos Island. A conference on the subject is planned for slated to be held on April 28.  Use link below to sign up for the walk and share with others.


“It is important for us as a collective and as individuals to see to the protection of our children not only because they are our children but also because violating them in body and mind portends danger for their future and that of Nigeria,” Nkemakonam Linda Ijeh, Director StopS-CAN.

Our vision at StopS-CAN is to create a world where no child suffers the damaging effects of child sexual abuse.

ST APRIL 2017                                                                                                PHONE:+ (234) 812-0379-663 WWW.STOPSCAN.ORG                                                                EMAIL: ijehnl@stopscan.org

                                          CONTACT: NKEMAKONAM LINDA IJEH

Follow us on Twitter, Instagram and Facebook @StopSCAN to get updates as we create awareness on the dangers of child sexual abuse in the month of April.
 

Saturday, 25 March 2017

Long Distance Relationship Is A Time Waster For Women.

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I believe in love, I believe in everything that has to do with genuine sacrifice and patience; I am an advocate for true love no matter where we find ourselves when love is true distance is not a barrier but rather a motivation to love someone fiercely with each passing day.

I have seen a lot of relationships crumble, my longest relationship then was an online relationship, for almost two years I was celibate and faithful, ever hopeful my prince was going to come back home to make me his princess, what did I get for my wait, a block button and a I don’t trust you anymore excuse. Being an introvert makes it hard for me to meet people and when I do meet someone my nose of suspicion keeps perceiving lies emitting out of someone even before their intentions are said.


I want to pour out my heart, I want someone out there to read this and say I am awakened, long distance relationship is fun when you’re young and rapid growth and old age hasn’t become your enemy, it’s fun and hopeful if the person you’re waiting for is a regular visitor to the country you’re residing in, you can’t be 25 and date someone who’s 23 just because they’re in the STATES, father TIME has a strong hold over love, no matter what TIME always wins and most times things out of our control makes waiting a TIME waster.

Most girls in Nigeria are single, not because there are no men here; they are single because they have someone they are waiting for, 40% of Nigerian women have an “ABROAD” boyfriend who has promised to come back in no time to marry them but its only 1% of these relationships that work out.

A Nigerian man abroad who’s in his late 30’s wants to marry a girl in her early 20’s he picks out his speck online, when he finds you compatible sometimes he sends his family to go carry out an investigation on you and see if you’re what you portray yourself to be, he wastes no time in coming back to marry you, these ones aren’t time wasters they know what they want, this is the half of the 1% I was talking about.

The other half of the 1% is sheer luck, love, perseverance and God’s grace; when you wait on a young man for years, he finishes his studies, and sometimes both of you might even date other people along the line but when it’s time for him to come back home it just works out for both of you.

Dear women, before you decide to wait on someone have it in mind that things might not work the way you want it, men who are in Nigeria rarely date or wait on women who are abroad, I have heard of cases where the girl sends for the boy, rare cases where the boy sends for the girl but these are rare cases, what works for Ada might not work for Adaeze.

You’re 25 and you’re dating someone abroad who doesn’t know when he’s coming back, who’s struggling over there, who hasn’t gotten his citizenship, many of my readers know my stance on cheating, dear sister you’re going to break that man’s heart because of Father TIME, you’re going to bow down to the pressures of society and look for someone who’s ready to get married, you have wasted that man’s time and efforts over you.

Long distance relationships works when there’s constant visiting, it can work in Nigeria, all you need is a 45 minutes flight or an hour or several hours by bus to go see the love of your life, but when you’re dating someone abroad who’s thousands of miles away, he can’t afford to invite you over and you can’t afford to invite yourself over, let truth be told, that relationship is going to die a natural death.

I know you have seen the signs, unless you’re in it for something else, I know you know it’s a TIME WASTER, I want to wish you luck and pray you’re amongst the 1% it will work out for but I can’t guarantee happiness all through the journey, you will cry, wail, curse, regret, and ask the WHY question but at the end of the day if it works out you SMILE will be the brightest and the wildest Mankind has seen in a long TIME.


https://youtu.be/yEqZiNLXREQ

Isabella Ibeji

 

Saturday, 18 March 2017

Love Is Never Enough

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In relationships these days, we have this misconception that love is all it takes to make a relationship work; we ignore other factors and major contributors for the success of a relationship.



Love is never enough to make a relationship work, love will fade away but other factors like “Trust, Understanding, Respect, Sacrifice, Wisdom, Honesty” etc. You can be in love and lack these other things, you might not be in love and possess these things, so its pertinent to say in a relationship love doesn’t make it last longer, other factors does.

Listen to my song “Love Is never Enough” it’s just a freestyle, I’m not a vocalist or a musician but this song is how I feel.
 
https://soundcloud.com/user-495561715/love-is-never-enough

Isabella Ibeji

Sunday, 5 March 2017

Ever Had An HIV Scare? I Have And This Is My Story.

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HIV over the years have become a very big deal, in Nigeria it’s been proven that statistically over 3 million people have this deadly virus and over several millions of people are unaware of their HIV status.

This deadly virus as many ignorant people believe is not only transmitted through unprotected sex, but it’s undeniable that unprotected sex is one of the many reasons millions of people are infected with HIV today.

I have read so many stories about people who were scared to go for HIV tests, they come online to seek for people’s opinions and ask them what they think the symptoms for HIV are, going for HIV tests is not so bad and having HIV today is not so bad like it was in the 70’s and 80’s we have antiretroviral drugs to help fight against this deadly disease.

 

Some months back I began to fall sick regularly, my sex life was next to nothing and I began to wonder if indeed I had contracted the virus somehow, I would go for malaria and typhoid tests but never an HIV test because I was scared, I went online severally checking out symptoms but never would I go for the HIV test itself not until one day when it just happened unexpectedly.

I was never scared of the virus, I had read a lot on it and assured myself that having it wasn’t the worst thing that could happen to me, finding out late was the worst and when people got to know and the stigmatization that would follow would kill me faster than the virus itself but I still wasn’t ready to go for the test not until NYSC gave me an opportunity for a free test.

It just happened my local government and another local government were having a football match and when I walked into the stadium the first set of people I saw were those carrying out free HIV tests and giving out both male and female condoms, I didn’t even think about it twice, I just sat there waited my turn and did the test, I was a bit scared I wouldn’t lie but it was worth it and at the end of the day when I found out I was HIV negative it saved me a ton of worries and I decided I was going to start living healthier, I got my own needles for hair salon, and since a relationship is almost non-existent in my life when I do start being intimate with someone again I’d make sure I wear an armor of protection.


Remember abstinence is one of the best way to protect yourself


Isabella Ibeji.

Saturday, 18 February 2017

Would You Endorse The Legalization Of Abortion?

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This is Nigeria, most people think we are backward, sometimes senile and developing; we are looked upon by other African countries for guidance and peace talks while we look up to other countries for weapons and loans in billions.

We are a hypocritical and very religious nation, we endorse polygamy but frown on adultery, what breeds polygamy? We legalize cigarettes and make Marijuana illegal, haven’t you heard how medicinal marijuana is? We patronize pharmacies and forget our Agbo sellers whose prescription sometimes is more effective than those tablets, we kill the common man who steals 100 naira but hails a politician who was jailed in London for stealing billions, this is my Nigeria and I love her, even with all her flaws.

I see many things wrong with this country but I am also one of those trying to make many things right with her, are you one of those? If you are then this post should garner you sincere opinion.
 
 

Abortion is the cessation of pregnancy or fetal development from its early stage; everyone has a legal right to this. When I was a kid I witnessed someone almost bleed to death, she had gone to a chemist to terminate a pregnancy, she wasn’t bold enough to go to a good hospital because it wasn’t and still isn’t legal for an adult to walk into any hospital and demand an abortion with a straight face, getting pregnant outside wedlock is a big shame on its own, heck having sex and letting people know is a mighty shame yet we all indulge, the rule is even if you’re going to get pregnant let it be a joint agreement between you and you’re partner, a pregnancy between unmarried couples cannot be unwanted if both of them want it.

There are so many cases which might lead to an abortion, please note I am against the abuse of abortion, but for cases like rape or health related issues I am all for it, people shouldn’t be forced to carry an unwanted pregnancy, sometimes doctors’ advice an evacuation of fetus in the womb, this is still an abortion but by doctor’s prescription.

I have read a lot of cases where young girls die due to drugs taken to induce labor in order to abort pregnancies, I have heard and read stories of quack doctors and chemists who these girls patronize because it is still illegal to have an abortion in a government hospital, we have all read stories of women who carry pregnancies to full term and then smolder those babies and dump their lifeless bodies in a sewage, if only she had aborted it at an early stage you would say right?

Someone wanted me to write about this, she said “Isabella, the abortion rate in this country is getting too much” I have told a lot of people that sex is the cheapest commodity in Nigeria if not the whole world, with all the awareness on safe sex and use of preventives most people still like it raw or mistakes are bound to happen, we all know you can’t kill a HYDRA by cutting off one of its heads, two more will grow back.

We see people who commit abortions as murderers, we judge them without giving them a chance, mistakes are bound to happen, we shouldn’t pay with our lives, married couples have been advised to abort an unwanted child either due to health reasons or finance, young women who were raped by criminals get an abortion for fear of giving birth to a criminal or hating that child when it is born, in such cases would you advise them to keep such a child?

These days technology has made things easier, sometimes we know the health status of a child before it is even born, when a child has a rare medical disorder doctors ask such couples to terminate such pregnancies, do you still judge them?

I know most people will say there’s nothing like an unwanted child and all kids are gifts from the lord, well the same things were said about serial killers, rapists, pedophile, child traffickers, murderers, armed robbers, ritualists and so on, but that’s not what I am here to argue, should abortion be legalized for those who truly need it? Let’s forget morality here for a second and think about what is right, so many people have died because they were trying to do it the wrong way, sometimes a condom might burst, a preventive pill might not work, and a sister might not be ready to be a mama, do you advice she gives birth and smolders the child? Do you suggest she gives birth and abandons the child? Do you suggest she aborts it the right way? What do you suggest if she was gang raped?

Like I said, we are a very religious and hypocritical nation, yet we are the greatest and trend setters in Africa, we aren’t called the “Giant Of Africa” for no reason, when we begin something in “UNISON” the whole African nation follows suit, Abortion should be made legal for those who really need it and proper facilities provided for this cause, I have seen enough deaths to know that sometimes I am not in a position to judge rather I can lend a voice to make things happen or stop things from happening.

https://youtu.be/dW83Q4jOYBg


Isabella Ibeji